if i were as smooth as the artist formerly known as prince
2:17 am on 01.03.06
honestly.. i thought about you alot this weekend.
and it made me smile. and that scares me. i played and replayed things in my mind. really. i had a great time with you. and i know i missed all these previous opportunities. and maybe thats my lesson. maybe thats the whole point. or maybe that was just how it was supposed to go because anytime before this one would have spun some other thread through time. thats either a profound truth or an easy excuse. maybe both. and i thought about sending you a message to the effect. i almost sent you a text when i got home that night. something short but sweet. to let you know i cared. and left smiling. to thank you for proving me wrong. for being you. and then i didn't because i thought too much. and what if you took it the wrong way? and maybe that's not really it. maybe it wasn't what if you took it the wrong way, but more like.. what if you didn't like me back? i don't know. its amazing how many times my heart says something and my mind vetos it. i just assume the brain is right. and anything the heart wants to do, will only make me seem too something. too needy. too lame. too caring. don't let them see you care. "get out of my face." who says things like that? sometimes i amaze even myself. and i always admire people like you who can just say how they feel. just put it out there and let it be because.. didn't i just learn that lesson? that its better to go through the door and KNOW then to never go at all? and maybe thats why im writing backwards lines. because i don't know how else to get it out. but i can still feel those hugs and your kiss. and i hope they're not the last.
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