autumn to the rescue
1:03 am on 11.05.05
and we're all ok. for now. take a deep breath of that fall air, and enjoy the feeling of your heart beating and not caving in. enjoy the colors. because they're still there. and time does indeed go on. its like you go through that week or two where time seems so slow. and you're counting hours, and minutes. trying to get to that moment where they're not what you think about all the time. its like when things veer left, and you just have to be sad for awhile. and you feel crazy. because who lets someone affect them like that? like admitting that it was that bad is somehow a defeat. you got me to care. and you got me to cry. the halloween book went unread. but that time. it still keeps moving. those minutes become hours and days. soon its weeks and seasons. and i am changed. and one day i wake up and the psychic cat is back at my window. and i feel new. and i smile more. because the leaves are this brilliant yellow that only lasts so long. and it amazes me every year. and i was afraid. like i actually thought that this fall would pass. and i wouldn't notice. that i wouldn't feel it. but there it was. the cat, the backyard, and amazing yellow. lungs full of crisp air and sun. it always comes back. and i feel like i'm finally back. i'm back. im better. ive been trying things that i normally wouldn't do. im fighting through the uncomfortable and finding out its worth it. i will continue to grow and learn and find more of my branches. because the time. its going with or without me.
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