fitter. happier. more productive. smarter. friendlier.
1:55 am on 10.19.05
so i've been thinking alot. trying on different perspectives. trying not to get too emotional and too crazy, but at the same time be extra true to myself. i have no idea how this is going. but i believe in my process. im trying to start paying more attention. being less afraid. believing. bettering. trying. changing. fall. change. all that. this going slowly fits like new shoes. and its not comfortable. but.. at the same time i still believe him when he says we can still take over the world. which to me, says something. maybe i've never done it this way. and always thought it was all or nothing and maybe i'll be wrong, and slow really is final death. but maybe this is more mature and things arent just all fast and magical but equal parts magic and effort and understanding. crazier things have happened. and i finished this book last night. finally. and maybe that has something to do with it. maybe the reappearance of an old friend added to it. maybe it's the disappearance of my sister and the calls of my mom crying and fearing. maybe its bigger and smaller than all this at the same time. maybe its everything. but i feel like someone has to believe that it will work out. here goes nothing.
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