last week.
11:45 pm on 10.03.05
so im totally fascinated by this 'breaking bonaduce' reality series on vh-1. really. i mean he IS a trainwreck and i love it. i love that hes showing it. because we're all fucked up. really. its just how it is. you can deny it.. but everyones got something. its monday and im drunk again. and im falling for this boy. i can deny it all i want.. but it's there. and i'm completely scared about that. because if it's true and real.. things are gonna change. alot. and things are already a mess.. let alone adding in my own drama. but i can't pretend like i don't replay pieces of that weekend together in my mind. and now its later. and i mentioned how much this all has been on my mind.. and you brushed past it. and i promised myself i wouldn't drink on weeknights.. but here we are. and i'm feeling like acting out some bad mtv real world style drunk fighting. because i shouldn't let myself feel. it's a dumb idea. im not sure how i let that get clouded. and at the same time i know thats dumb and irrational. i dont know. i feel like sleeping and crying. fuck you monday.
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