brandy and me and the heart of the matter
12:30 am on 07.20.05
i dont know. really, im drunk, and as usual, its easier to say what i want to say now vs. the regular moments of life. it shouldn't be that way, but it is. today wasn't up there on my good days list. go figure. really i just want to get out of here. i want to be with some boy i've never met. how silly is that. i don't even care anymore. its that fucking true. and yesterday, i said something that was me showing my heart, and it kind of backfired at me. but i know he was just trying to make me laugh. but it's really so hard for me to express how i feel, it's ridiculous. really. i don't know why expressing how i feel reduces me to an absolute dork.. that's just how i feel. it's like.. must show strong side. defense HIGH. but it's not like i've been hurt a million times.. i think the hurt i've caused is equal to the pain i feel these days. it's a wash i say. maybe it's time for the new and wonderful.. who knows. i really have no idea. but i feel all these things, and it can't always be wrong. i feel more in touch with the universe than i have in a long time. and it's like coming full circle. back to where i started, but where i forgot about and left by the wayside. it's like something you can't ignore even if you try. and that doesn't happen often. really. so why not go with it? 4am means i should sleep. even if you're not here.
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