coincidental rain. this entry is brought to you courtesy of a pinky swear with scud ... the numbers 8 and three and the letter Q well well well.. its been a weird week of coincidences and near misses. lets bring it back to wednesday.. i hate wednesdays. hate hate hate. if i could erase one day from being it would be wednesday.. or rather, wednesdays where kim decides to be a badass and not go to school.. but anyways last wednesday she was there.. and we went to the foodcourt for lunch because theres better people to watch there than at school..and i have cafeteria anxiety..so so. so i mention this kid jason who was in my painting studio last semester... and im like.. what happened to him? where is he? kim hadnt seen him either. he used to make weird paintings with words and thoughts scrawled on them.. i secretly admired him all year.. i digress. so we talk a little about him and move on. a few hours later back at school kim tells me to go check in my studio.. so i find a little scrap of paper with dear jasons phone number and email address.. apparently hes not at school this semester..and is looking for a place to live.. but it was odd to me. and her, that on the very day that we ponder his disappearance we find a flier leading us back. eh heh. next! the rest of the week sticks out as meaningless.. i went home friday night because we were celebrating jamies birthday this weekend.. and lynettes home too. i dont know how much ive said about her.. hah. but in the other diary you might find a sad girl letter i wrote to her once or twice. so i havent seen her since my birthday..but we talk a little.. so how bad could it be? it was all fluff and smiles for awhile.. you can talk about so many things without getting personal. but not with us. whats a huge conversation without a confrontation or outpouring of emotion? so its somewhere around 1am and she brings up how much it hurts her that i cant be happy for her and evil montezuma. how can i not be happy for her when shes never been happier in her life than she is with him riiight now. gah. i knew i was in for it. we dredged up the past.. how it all started, how i think hes worthless and untrustworthy. how hes a control freak. i cant be happy for her when two months prior she was in my room devising a plan to get out of her house, because it was like prison, she thought he was recording her phone converstaions already! am i the only one who thinks thats insane?! how can you live with someone who doesnt trust you at your best friends birthday party? gah. anyways. apparently since then they had some revelation..and she understands..and he understands.. andthey are in looove again. i told her of course. of course hes nice now.. of course he cried. he doesnt want to lose you.. its all part of the cycle. but no. she dosent care. she starts crying because we arent happy for her..and we dont trust her judgement. honestly i dont. i think she wants it to work with him because she doesnt know what else to do. she wont move back home. she cant swallow her pride. she doesnt understand how come she always has to get ahold of me now. i think shes forgotten all the months she tore my heart out. all the times i tried to hang out and she didnt have two dollars to take the train here. or she had to be home early becuase of montecello. she wants a friendship revolution, where we get closer than we are now. i think its two minutes too late. i tried to give so much for so long that i finally gave up and stopped because it was only hurting me trying to figure out how she could abandon me and not give a shit. that sounds extreme.. but it was an extreme time.. she was my only friend then.. she was my other half. she dreamed the same dreams, and then turned it in for a domestic hell. so i cant see a place thats not where we were.. but thats better than where we are.. but i told her id try. so its 4am then..she brings me home.. where i somehow get roped into talking to my mom until 6am.. enter saturday. hrm. saturday i did alot of shopping at bjs where you can get mass amounts of anything.. only to then have to leave over half of what i bought at my moms house because she refused to drive me to boston at 3, because she SWORE shed never make it back before dark, when of course, she turns into a pumpkin. sunday sunday sunday. i get up way too early to take pictures with jamie.. or so we thought. my old room was painstakingly turned into a photography studio by us geniuses over the summer. so whenever we're both home we try to capitalize on time. we ended up taking pictures of her dad instead for her grandmothers birthday present. jamies dad is a unique fish. hes sorta er racist..hed never met my moms boyfriend whos black. hrm. i had to debreif the family before he arrived. "no hes not totally racist..he just holds prejudices.. he doesnt hate black people .. he just assumes theyre on drugs and unemployed..which he knows youre not.. so its ok.." erm. yeah. the greater population of uxie where i was brought up is white.. gleaming white. jamies dad is a casualty of old school thinking and never travelling outside uxie. he has many guns in his closet, which we joke is his preparation for the race war.. its a horrible joke. but its funny in context. jamies dad is a parody of sorts.. he thinks everyone is out to get him..and the phone company is the devil. these are the people in your neighborhood...(sing it like mr rogers damnit) so we took his pictures and decided wed take our real art chick pictures later after the psychic and after getting my stuff to boston. onwards. so we go back to the psychic we had seen before.. me and jamie.. jamies mom.. and her friend ellen.. this lady is good. ive been to a few differnt psychics and so far shes got it right on..we had seen her about a month and a half ago at my birthday too.. so anyways, she tells me about my lack of focus..my overwhelmingness with life.. its all true unfortunately.. she tells me to take it all one step at a time.. she tells me i dont take my art seriously, i dont realize how good it is.. the same sentences uttered by my teachers. heh. shes onto something . they all are. she said alot.. i asked her about lynette..she said theyd break up between 10 weeks and 10 months.. she told me lynette lies and has a tendancy to manifest things. all true. she said she has mental problems..and that soon shell have an illness involving her head..and that montezuma will leave her when shes sick.. hrmmm. she said hes a womanizer.. which i laughed at.. because hes ugly.heeh. hes Lucky to have lynette..shes cute as hell. she told me though that after the summer me and her were going to go our seperate ways.. that made me a little sad.. i always believed we had some connection.. *shrug* she asked me if i knew a kim. she said her name.. i was like.. woah! yeah i do. she told me shes gonna go away for ten months or so..that we are karmically linked and will show up throughout each others lives.. that made me smile. hahahah if you saw me and kim together youd understand. unless we were karmically linked youd wonder how we ever got to hang out.. heh. shes a preppy girl.. im dirty and smell like patchouli.. shes rich.. im poor.. she likes cute things .. i like weird things.. its had to put into words. but our humor is the same.. she gets 'it'.. she just knows. we can laugh while walking down the street screaming "miscreant!!" heh. sometimes you have to be there. so arianna..the psychic lady says that kims gonna give me a locket.. and that i have to accept it..even if i think i shouldnt because its expensive.. hrm. she told me id meet some chick names tanya.who would introduce me to some powerful boy that id get involved with..and later wonder why he hung out with her.. soo many things. maybe ill tell more when i think of it.. but anyways. my reading is over.. and i went to payt for a book that i had picked out earlier.. 'maps to ecstacy' i believe is the title.. and as i put it on the counter the woman looks at me and pushes a cd case towards me. apparently the cd that had been playing the whole time was by the author of the very book i had just picked out. coincidence!? i think not. no more pictures were taken though..and i had to treck to boston with a gigantic back pack containing half the stuff i bought on saturday. i left as my mom got all teary cause she knew i was pissed off.. she has a way of always making it my fault that things dont work out..she told me i put her on a guilt trip.. i told her if she believed she was so right then she should have no guilt over the matter. ahaha. i almost forgot. after all this i get home around 10:30pm.. to the boy opening the door saying over and over.. you werent supposed to be back until tomorrow... apparently in my absence a drunken recording session took place.. beer was scattered.. music was had..apartment was destroyed..boys slept in my bed.. and police were called. i told him he should be glad i wasnt here. just another week..
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