bad choices today was good only for the pure sake that it wasnt bad. hah. i was dreading going back to school. i was fearing the fight over space with ultimate art girl. i was fearing people in general. more than less i feel inadequate at school. but thats another story. im not straying from my goodness today. by sheer luck i was ontime today. dont worry.. it wont happen again. painting is painting is painting.. but the difference is this. today i half conscious..half unknowingly put myself out there more. i chimed into conversations.. i met the new people. the first days of anything are critical. i always keep to myself. because i generally believe no ones listening.. alot of the time at school i wish i was invisible but at the same time crave being noticed. thatll probably only make sense if you do it too. its like.. in my head people at school are overly critical and far cooler than me.. so i wish myself into nothing.. if they cant see me.. they cant say anything. in my mind this works. but while i dont want to be torn apart.. i secretly want attention. i love attention. i like to be noticed. i want to be *remembered*. there are so many people in life that i remember.. that i knew.. or spoke to once.. and i always wonder if they remember me .. and my words. so theres a girl today in painting land.. and somehow we started talking.. shes been drunk for three months.. haha. she was classic from word one. shes like.. 'last night i was sober.. and i was just like.. umm errr' heheh. not knowing what to do with herself.. it was so right. i like when strangers arent afraid to tell you things. and then shes like.. do you live.. *insert college town here*? and i was like.. yeaah. and she was like.. ive seen you around... do you work *insert shitty floral hell here*? i was like yeaa i do. hah. that made my day. and hell that was at 11am. i like being memorable. i talked alot to this other kid too.. who was in my class last semester.. talking is good for me. it sounds elementary.. but its the little things right? fast forward to my second class. which started off poorly when i went to the classroom only to find out it moved to a different building and i was already 5 minutes late... so i get there eventually.. and the room is full. and when you walk into a room everyone is a blur.. because youre late..and you dont want to see them.. you just want a place to sit. i find one. the teacher goes on about the class.. she calls roll. and to further dim my spirits my old roomate.. and his new best friend are in the class. my old roomate makes me ill. he is like king scenester in indie land. hes a cookie cutter of those kids. and he has the ability to make me feel two inches tall. i dont know why. because i secretly wanted into that scene. but not through their door. i wanted to be a part of the scene for the music i liked.. but come to find out its all about who you know. and unless you dress the part and have all the right records you might as well stay home.. i had better things to do than play that game. but still hes irritating. so him being there was a dull pain in my side. but onward. so we divide into groups for a fun filled time at the museaum.. so of course im in sceneboys group.. but i didnt want to deal.. so i put myself in another group ;) and in the elevator i start talking to another chick... and she tells me shes seen me around too. i smiled. and shes a fashion major.. and in general fashion majors are scary.. like uberfashion girls. but she wasnt scary like that. and so we talked.. and at the museaum we were looking for hte rest of our 'group' and she says to me.. "we're waiting for the lady in the really bad green shirt" i was like.. oh.. i didnt see her.. she says.. and this was just IT. it was IT for today.. she says.. "some people just make bad choices" sort of shaking her head at the same time.. hahaha. maybe it was in her voice.. or her expression.. but it was like an all knowing fashionista way.. like she felt bad for the poor womans shirt or somehting.. haha. 'some people just make bad choices' that cracks me the hell up. then she told me about her boyfriend and a tshirt he called his work shirt.. that had a rip in it.. and he tried wearing it in public.. and she was like.. thats your workshirt... keep it there.. and i could picture her in my head .. sort of like alicia silverstone in clueless.. trying to give that girl a makeover.. i can see her looking all exasperated at her boyfriend.. and being like.. babe.. thats a bad choice. hahahah. to top it all off..the woman i bought a pepsi from called me baby. 'there ya go now baby.. have a good one' hah. i love it. if only every day were as good as the first one.. |