dream a little dream of me. 13 hours of sleep.. and two different x boyfriend dreams later.. ugh. sleep is good. boys are bad. its weird though. the first dream was about evil paul. hah. i dont think ive talked about him yet.. or that whole relationship.. theres alot to tell... we used to think he could control our dreams..which i guess sounds crazy to some people.. or like me reaching for some explaination to something that doesnt exist.. but fuck that. if you met this kid youd know.. so i wouldnt think about him or talk to him for months..and suddenly thered be a dream about him.. and theyre always incredibly real.. he just has this presence.. and last night.. i dont know where we were in the dream.. but we were hugging..and i remember thinking to myself.. 'this doesnt feel right' .. and as i thought it he hugged me tighter.. like he knew what i thought.. the rest is a blur. but that said it all. i havent seen him in a year. last year when i saw him.. it had been a year before that. hrm. but finding him and talking to him again is like a whole new ball of wax.. and its just so complex. when people impact each other as much as we did.. i have trouble just walking away and forgetting about it. its weird. we go months and months without talking or seeing each other..and then one of us will break down and find the other. theres alot more of this to tell.. but it always sticks out in my mind.. before i saw him last.. when we found each other again.. he said to me.. you know. we never really broke up.. because we always knew wed want to come back.. its weird. and its partly true. we didnt break up.. we always just faded away. theres that ball in my chest that you get when you start to feel old memories. its good to feel something. |