detaching the stars. its 1am and i look damn cute. hah. in my attempt to clean my room tonight, so that the poor soul of a cable man that comes tomorrow wont have to wade through my underwear and/or art supply river to find the television, i re-found all my christmas presents.. heeeh.and it seems of course, that when you find presents you have to try them. i mean could i really leave the sticky film camera in the package till i finished cleaning? naaah. but thats not why i look cute.. i put on the hippie chick dress lynette made me.. you know.. so i could prance around at 1am for everyones viewing pleasure. i suppose wearing any sort of dress makes most people instantly cuter.. it just happens. you cant stop..and why fight it. so things have been weird lately. well.. not so much weird as.. i dunno. what do you do when you find out youre someones last straw? their last grip on sanity? that youre the one who pulled them out of their depression spiral and showed them how to breathe? that you made them better. i mean sure.. you smile..and you blush and you say.. naah. its not all me.. but you know it is.. because you know this person has so much potential.. youd almost call them a borderline genius in some aspects.. this kid.. hes a musical wonder. and so you came into his life at a bad low time where anything but reality was what he saw... in that drunken sort of haze.. and you built him up, because you believed in him.. and it worked.. and he grew. and he got stronger.. but he still couldnt see that its inside him, and that he doesnt need you to be that great, or that alive. that he doesnt need anyone but himself. how can you convince someone of that?how can you help them let go and fly? feel free to tell me if you know.. because sometimes.. just sometimes.. helping someone else to grow.. stunts your own growth.. but you cant stop being there.. you cant stop holding them up and reminding them how amazing they are.. but you cant be the part of them that they want.. not forever. because you have your own dreams to live.. *sigh* i like to fix problems.. i like to help the people i care about..the souls i truly believe in.. but sometimes taking them in and caring so much makes them fall. fall in the way thats connected to your heart.. which is the worst way.. but i dont think its real falling.. i think it feels like it is.. but its not.. you cant help but feel for someone that cares about you.. but i cant explain that really.. i cant detach him without him going back down.. so do you hang on longer? but how long? until he flys? then scamper away... *shrug* sometimes i have too much heart..and not enough spine.. * * * * * some stars for wishing... its almost 2am.. i better get back to my cesspool of a room... theres powerpuff girl stickers to adhere. * |