growing like a weed. it snowed just enough last night to make excuses for.. thanks to three different people and all their random deities for listening to my pleas. heh. i got up at 6am.. but then after several phone calls..and ignored messages..i went back to sleep with no regrets. i think i must be spoiled these days because i never used to require much sleep at all..back in the san francisco days i never got more than 4 hours sleep..and i was functioning fine. then again. i was sleeping on the floor that year..thats supposed to be better for you anyways.. and i couldnt sleep then because my roomates were always in the next room plotting my death.. or their next lie. and i had people to talk to online.. because they were my only escape from that shite.. hah. the only escape from my 'best friends' out there.. who were secretly telling their parents i must be on speed.. because i never sleep. hrm. it seems so long ago and just like yesterday. almost 3 years? maybe more. but i could still get you to my house there.. or lead you to the secret statue of diana hidden in golden gate park..or point out the cutest homeless boys.. or the best falafel place. blah. maybe i remember it all so well because i know ill go back there. ill go back there on my terms. not with my family telling me what a bad idea it is to be across the country.. not with people i think are my friends.. if i ever saw them again i dont know what id do. i had a dream about it once..and it distrubed me.. because i never wanted them to be evil.. i never wanted to believe people could be capable of that.. in pretty fucking naive sometimes. *sigh* but we learn right.. its all about growing.. i had alot to say yesterday. it was a weird day where i felt like an open connection to everyone around me..and i think it showed.. or vibrated off of me.. because people talked to me that i dont usually talk to.. heh usually on my part for an awkward lack of words. but it was refreshing.. it made me think alot about mindset.. and what thoughts and feelings i put out.. just by my presence.. heh. one of my best friends that i met through school told me i was hard to talk to originally. heh. lucky for me we're karmically linked.. so she had persistence in the matter.. im not purposely hard to talk to.. i just assume no one wants to hear what i have to say.. so i keep it to myself. but thats school.. where somedays im intimidated by what seems to be everyones direction...and my lack of it.. and others i feel like i know it all.. or at least i have the right key to the door this time.. who knows. its all the same. all i do know is i got to sleep till after 12.. and even though all my thoughts from yesterday got misplaced and mostly unrecorded.. i made it to another day. and vacation.. is just around the corner. |