pro-something sometimes i forget the rest of the world gets up before 12 on weekends.. the anti-abortion protesters were in full effect outside the clinic next to work today.. they're scary to me.. ill admit that. maybe because im too much of a passive person. i let everyone have their own opinions, and i keep mine too, but i dont force mine on anyone. i couldnt. its not my style. and i see these people out there, and it scares me. i didnt need to see fetus pictures at 8am. i really didnt. and they didnt change my mind. do they really change anyones mind? has anyone seen one of those pictures on their way to get an abortion and turned around? maybe. anythings possible. but i doubt the turnover rate is high. maybe its scary to me because i cant fathom getting up early to go tell other people what they should do with their lives. cant they just be proud in themselves that they have never had an abortion? do they have to make some poor girl feel even worse that she has? i think about that sometimes. i rememeber when i convinced myself i was pregnant once.. although ive never had unprotected sex.. you know how it goes. your periods late..and you work yourself into a frenzy thinking the worst, and that in turn makes it take longer to happen. i had planned every escape route in my mind. i had started thinking of where i would get money from. because i cant and couldnt handle having a kid.. then or now. i cant handle myself, let alone having someone else depend on me. and i would have gotten an abortion. and for a second i think thats the easy way out. but its not. there is no easy answer. all i can equate it with is scary. i dont even have the adjective. and thats why those people outside.. the protesters scare me. because if it came down to it and i had to go through with it i would already feel guilty. immense guilt. for a million reasons. and to have to walk through that door with strangers knowing nothing about me screaming at me.. and telling me how horrible what i was about to do was.. i dont think anyone deserves that. because there already is so much emotion tearing around. and people will say that if you feel guilt than you shouldnt do it. but there is a difference between guilt and regret. and only you know whats right. you cant make such a personal decision a public forum.. i wonder what brings those people there. i respect life. but everything happens for a reason. those children will be born someday. life is a continuous cycle. at least thats how i look at it. i wonder if the protesters adopt children? if there were no abortions in the world would those same people be the ones taking in all the lost children? i couldnt bring a child into the world and abandon it..or have it lost in 'the system'. to me thats just as bad. one time at a greyhound station in utah, i started talking to a random girl. for one reason or another she told me she had had an abortion a day or two before. and that struck me.. hearing her just say that made it real to me. but i didnt question her choice. my point isnt for this to be some pro-choice tirade. im not in this for an argument. seeing those people out there again today just struck a chord in me. the fact that a few weeks ago they had to pass a law the made a "safe" zone for patients going into clinics.. that there are actual lines painted on the sidewalk where the protesters cant go.. that some of them find it wrong that they cannot now personally had patients literature and pamphlets and dead baby pictures is beyond me. isnt their presence enough? but i digress. this is way off the path of where i started. but writing is writing. on a random note.. i think this is an interesting idea.. if enyone gets up the guts to do it. |