let me hug the damn world. it just feels good right now. thats the only way to explain it.. its dusk as they say.. and theres barely enough light to read by.. but its that light that you want to read by.. just because of how it makes you feel. its freezing in here.. but its ok..because its practically winter..and sometimes its good to feel the seasons. im actually using my own computer right now.. which is amazing. ive been scamming off ians much rad-er fancier computer.. where i can just type and click away at my speed. not the speed of 6 years ago. but theyre recording in his room.. yeah. recording during the day.. who knew it was possible?! hah. thank god. maybe thats why im not half as pissed off as i was this morning. they always record on bad nights.. nights when i have to get up at 6:30 for class.. as they just mozey on into bed and dream away until 5pm.. but i came home from the early class today.. and i was exclaiming to myself.. and to anyone whose dream state may be influenced by my words.. 'oh look the assholes are still asleep'.. sometimes im a bitch. but no one noticed. drunk sleep is deep sleep. so i took the cue and took a nap myself.. and here i am at 4 and i feel good in my room.. on my computer .. drinking this tasty mug of coffee. coffee compliments the mood perfectly. and in the background i hear josh singing away and the guitar...and they tried to convince me to sing.. but i wont. not unless im in a black room where no one can see me..and i cant see them.. i told ian i appreciate their music so much more during the day. and today.. i went to school half asleep.. letting bon jovis greatest hits guide me to school.. if anyone can get you there with a half smile its them. long live 1985. and i bullshited my way through talking about my mixed media project final..and somehow it worked..and the idea clicked at 8am.. and now im excited .. im actually excited about a project..and maybe thats why i feel so good right now.. because theres something i care enough about to do it.. i create everyday.. but its rarely somehting i can commit to.. i bring my soul and my feeling and intensity to it... then i walk away. but i want to hang on to this idea..and see it through.. and thats a great feeling. wheres my merit badge!? and despite the fact that i have to work tonight..and then do a million drawings.. and the fact that the television imploded upon my touch.. i still want to smile. and give away hugs.. theyre still free you know.. i think people forget that sometimes. i know i do. |