love song undone
2:21 am on 06.03.06
its nice and cool out finally. and the rain is loud on all those leaves. and i'm not really sure of what i'm doing, but that is pretty much par for the course at this point. but i'm trying. because someone has to. and i think i'm re-realizing alot of things i already knew. and i seem to have this one tool cover of a cure song on repeat. and it reminds me of san francisco. and i remember way back when, me and sam going to see the cure play some christmas show. and whenever i hear this song, i can see us in the back of a jeep on the golden gate bridge. and the night. and the air. and everything swirling around you. that one guitar line of love song is all it really takes. i wonder what ever happened to him? i miss san francisco. i miss alot of things. but i needed these reminders. i needed to hear that i am awesome. i needed the reminder that if i am just me. authentically me. then it will all work out. and i know it's not that easy. i know. really. i change my heart alot, between awesome and OK and growing, to lost and unsure. its funny that the only person that mentions san francisco anymore is my uncle who's on self destruct mode himself. like the only other person as lost as me, gets it. i shouldn't be surprised. and i keep thinking i can somehow save him with a painting. i never said it made sense. but i don't have much else to go on anymore. i can't lose another family member any day soon. not my uncle. not my sister. not anyone. i won't let it, by sheer will. i won't be the only one left.
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