the proverbial piece im pretty sure im either crazy or retarded. maybe both. and i almost feel ridiculous writing this here.. lest someone who came to see something cool has to see that i am really a dork. but. whatever. this is still MY DIARY. MY as in ME. this little sliver is just another piece to the puzzle.. the sky was so blue tonight. the perfect blue. my favorite blue. the blue thats so dark that it works perfectly with the twisty tree branch outlines infront of it. the sky i would paint. i wanted to tell someone. but who? who the hell wants to hear me wax poetic on the properties of the blue sky? its beautiful out too. its spring and almost pretty.. and warm. and. if it was possible for me to watch a whole episode of joan of arcadia and not cry at the end it probably just wouldnt be right. i cant figure out what it is. why that show gets me. why im sitting here now still misty over some television episode. something thats not even real... but maybe because it echos some odd truth that i secretly think is also mine. i dont know. maybe its because i really feel their connections and wish i had some of my own. some real live deep meaningful connections. you cant have it all at once though right? other things are so good right now that i cant have the frosting of tightly knit connections too.. can i? i wish i didnt want it so bad. someone to really feeeel me. someone that i really feel. you know? where they just get it.. and its bigger then today or graduating or where i went or what i did. its big like the perfect blue sky. someone that genuinely cares whats rattling around in this here brain of mine and isnt afraid to hear it.. or doesnt think its crazy that i care about a stupid tv show.. or connections.. someone that can relate.. or hell at least just appreciate that i am crazy. i dont know. i am happy. i mean i am. hah the fact that i have to write it feels like its not true.. or maybe thats just the psychologist in my brain that would say that. but really. things are good in the world of people liking things ive made.. or ideas i have. its a happy bubble of buttons and stuff.. but it still feels a little empty. the missing piece. isnt it always. ill shut up now. |