be there or be square
3:13 am on 02.22.04
so yeah. that. that up there. i decided to stop being lame and take the plunge. put the old self out there. a friend whos putting together that whole thing asked me if id be part.. and of course my first reaction is yikes! no!.. because thats people and me and art.. and my art and showing it and convincing them they need this little trinket of my creation.. and all those people there who do these things all the time. the pros. i fear them too.. and looking like i have no clue. because i don't. i mean.. i do.. but i dont. its my own clues. my research my data, but not my proof.
so i know that if he had not specifically asked me to take part i would have weaseled out of it.
and i hate that about me.
the guy running it. one of the nicest guys on earth and ive weaseled out of ever actually meeting him. and he lives like two streets away. i could walk there and ive never hung out with him because i am seriously retarded.
i mean thats really the only reason why i do half this shit.
SO.
i said id do it.
because then i CANT back out. a challege to myself. because if i would have said no i would secretly kick myself for watching opportunity walk away. because im always wondering what im supposed to do.. where im going. the whole fucking point. and im always hoping for some sign, some brick on the head of what to do next.
and i think this was it.
i mean it sure felt like it.
and at the worst, i go and sell nothing and see how other people do it and do it better next time. at least its something to work towards and to kick me in the ass to make stuff.. i need that alot.
and one other thing.
you. you read this. ahem. dan. ahem. why not answer my emails? do you know how bad i want to share all this with you? you just like to see me beg.
well here it is.
and i never post it here. but drastic measures right? i wont even be mean when you finally talk to me again. hehehe
ah well.
cant blame a girl for trying right?
this is all about the trying and the not running away.
it'd be really nice to not fail at art, or life.
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