missing the pups. my heart officially broke the other night when he died. i thought he'd be with me forever.. he was only 3 years old.. i love that cat more than any other animal i ever had.. he was my companion.. my best friend..a sarcastic pain in the ass.. if you can imagine that in a cat. he was the sweetest thing in the world..he just wanted to sleep.. eat.. and be loved. he was the most chill cat ever.. you could pick him up.. hold him upsidedowm... shake him around.. and he wouldnt even blink.. he had so much personality.. he wasn't just a cat.. he was practically another person. he was the best. he would purposefully ignore you if you called him.. hed look in your direction.. but not directly at you.. he always had that look.. i cant even explain it.. but anyone that saw him understands.. he would eat doritos and the crunching sound would crack me up every time.. he was so fat and it was adoreable. i rememebr even as a kitten.. he stole my quesadilla right off my plate and ran away with it.. or the time he tore into ians cheeseburger sub before he could even get it out of the paper.. and the stick.. he was obsessed with the stick.. it used to be this great toy with feathers and stuff and a bell on it.. but that only lasted a week.. and its been the stick with just a bell on the end ever since. puppy would come running if you even moved the stick the slightest bit. that was always the quickest way to locate him.. i miss him so much.. i cant even explain. i cant even write this all down. i cry when i see the pictures of him in the shirt.. with that look in his eye..and you can hear him saying something like... why do you have me in this stupid shirt.. bitch. haha. its funny if you hear the voice. and the head rolls.. hah. when pups wanted attention he would stand at your feet and throw himself into a head roll.. and then just lie there.. and you had to pet him..because it was too damn classic. i remember way back when.. fighting with b & d to keep puppy.. and crying over it in my bed.. and pups was there cuddling with me. he could always tell when i was really sad or upset.. and he would come into my bed or wherever i was and just sit with me. he always made me feel better. and it hurts to think i let him down.. and i couldnt make him better. it hurts that i didnt take him to the vet sooner.. but we all thought he would be ok.. because he was pups. and he still played with the stick and snuggled and ruled. even the day before the last he played with that damn stick.. and that was like the sign that it was ok.. and then he stopped the next day.. and he wouldnt look at us.. and so we brought him to the vet.. and he was really sick. and i cried.. and the vet lady made it seem like it was bad.. but hed be ok.. she never mentioned that he could die.. or that it was even a remote possiblilty. it was something cats got all the time.. and they could fix it. but something happened. and when they put him under anesthesia he died. and when we left him at the hospital that night i thought hed be coming back.. i said bye and i petted him and talked to him.. but i didnt think itd be the last time. i fell asleep that night feeling good because i thought he was in great hands and that hed be home in 2 days causing trouble and clawing the door again. and then at 3 in the morning the phone rang.. and it was the vet.. and he was gone. and i cried.. practically wailed on the phoen to my mom.. and i couldnt sleep.. and it hurts. its empty where he was. i remember when he was a kitten and was extra obnoxious i used to threaten him that i would sell him on ebay... hehe i loved that big lug. ill always love puppy. always. theres nothing that can replace him.. theres no way to duplicate him. he was pups. and my mom and shannon got me a new kitten the next day. i cried and cried on the phone that i did not want another cat..that i didnt want to do that again.. i didnt want to let something else down. but theyre maureen and shannon.. they do what they want. and theres this new nameless kitten here now.. and it will never be pups but thats ok.. its not meant to be him.. or like him. it will grow into its own self and be a new person.. puppy was just a nameless kitten once too. it cannot and will never take the place of puppy.. but it helps a little to have this insane little ball of energy running around.. instead of just having empty space and just being sad and missing pups all the time.. im always going to miss him. im always going to love him. i wouldnt trade in the time i did have with him for anything. as those cheesy sayings say.... its better to have loved and lost then never loved at all. my mom says everything happens for a reason.. im not real sure why this happened.. but i know that pups is in cat heaven with a big bag of doritos.. sitting back laughing his sarcastic ass off at me while this new kitten raises hell just like he did. he might not be right here anymore.. but hes around. i love you puppy.
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