right infront of you almost 3am.. and i could almost say it was a good day. did i just sound like ice cube? haha. it's nice to be here alone. just me.. and whatever the hell i feel like doing or not doing. no one to answer to or perform for. im almost me. me.. who i AM.. not who i have to be. i got to take a nap at 6pm just because there was nothing on tv and the room was the perfect temperature to melt into the crisp sheets. i got to order overpriced take out food.. and not eat half of it. i got to talk online without thinking someone was lingering behind me.. or cursing me for paying attention to myself for two minutes and not them.. freedom tastes good. and then he calls and i feel bad for thinking so many bad things.. because hes an amazing friend.. and my sister called too. i don't give her enough credit alot. a few weeks ago.. when i was hanging out with her.. in a stoned daze.. talking about friends and missing ones.. i told her how i missed lynette so much because she was the adventureous one.. you could say.. lets go to the moon..and she would've fired up the space ship. and i know she's not that anymore. im not really sure what she is now. but thats not the point. i told my sister.. i need a friend whos willing to do anything.. just because. and she looked at me. and she said.. "i would" and i sat there for a second.. in a smile and a bit of warmth.. because she was right. she is just like that.. she's not afraid of anything.. she'd do it just for the moment.. for the fun of it. sometimes the answer is right infront of you. this weekend me and shannon are going to cape cod.. half out of a lost tradition we cant break and half for leaving behind the world and having pure fun. i can almost feel my toes in the cold sand of the beach at night.. when no ones there but people flying kites and staring at the sky.. the magic of something as vast and uncontrollable as the ocean.. i can taste the salt on my skin. and its just as incredible as i remember. * |