faster than never. its perfect out. windows open cars swishing by in rain thats just right. i woke up from a dream of giving birth to a kitten and having no food to give it. going to the 24 hour mobil and searching for baby formula.. for a kitten. it made sense at the time. and i woke up early. and i sat on my bed by the windows looking out. staying warm looking at piles of art work that are new to my apartment but not to me. and i realized im going no where fast. i realized theres never been a summer where i created anything. did anything. because all year i think it and live it and let it tear me up as i explore some idea or floodgate to my heart. all year. and summer is freedom from that. freedom from the thoughts. the making. and half of me thinks that im a sham. that if i was meant to do this stuff there would be no break. that each moment would be a moment to create and live. and i would be honored for this time. capitalizing on it. because thats what they do. but im still not them. im still just me. going nowhere fast. |