we are famileee my brother my sisters and meee. the other day i called my moms house from work. in the background i hear her boyfriend saying is that heather? is that heather? i smile on the other end of the phone. john comes on the line. i ask him.. how are you? as always her replies salubrious!! heh. he goes on to tell me.. you know who i saw on tv the other day? who i ask? bob ross. hehee. he tells me he likes him and he thinks hes talented. i laugh. he goes on to say what i think epitomizes john. he says. you know hes a brother? i laugh. john, bob ross isnt black.. i say. he goes on for a good ten minutes convincing me that bob ross is indeed part african american because it is not humanly possible for a white man to have such an amazing afro. this is so my family. my family is classicly left of center. back in the day.. my junior year of high school.. i ran away to meet nick in utah. i left on a friday without telling anyone except my sister and lynette who i left crying on my front porch. i intended to leave and never come back. i think ive told the story.. either way. when i was dragged back to massachusetts by threats from the moms she took away my internet connection swearing it was a tool of the devil and had led me into what she called my 'crazy time' which later turned into my regular life. maureen didnt understand computers or the internet or how i could talk to people i didnt know about my life and my heart. when i got back she changed my password and forbid me to use it. i played her game for a few months..and then called up and had them give me my password. fast forward a year.. maureen spreads her wings and i show her the wide world of the internet. she doesnt understand it.. but somehow she finds a chat room for widows and widowers or soemthing to that effect and she sees that not everyone is online looking up kiddie porn. moms doesnt talk to anyone online except the people in the chat room. men are practically forbidden. but somehow oneday a guy messages her and she breaks down and talks to him. day after day. giddy email after silly hushed phone call. oh yeah. maureen gets sucked in to an online romance. one day at church she asks for a sign that this is ok.. and on the radio a beach boys song comes on. the beach boys.. my dads favorite band. its a sign to her that its ok for her to move on. fast forward a little more and suddenly this mysterious guy is coming to our town from pennsylvania for a rendezvous in a hotel with her. this is so not my mom. my mom living in the house she grew up in .. in the same white bread town with a crime rate of zero. she used to tell me she wouldnt go to my graduation in california because it was too scary there. a year later maureens driving her mini van to philly to get johns stuff. but im ahead of myself. john visits. theyre all in love. im a complete ass and wont even look at him. because shes my MOM. im the one with silly internet romances.. not my mom. but its destined to be and before we know it johns living with us. oh yeah. my mom and her internet boyfriend. the thing that makes it even a bit more comical. is that hes black. which in the big scheme of the world is nothing.. but in little old uxie.. is just classic. especially since she met him online. hah. i bet jamie and i are the only ones seeing the classicness in this. uxie is a town with probably 2 african american people in it. its grown since then but its still classic. my short little mom who resembles a jolly elf and her really tall black internet boyfriend in white wall suburbia. i love it. john is also one of the smartest men i know. ive said it before..he can do anything. he can rewire the house.. put in a bathroom.. pick locks.. crack safes.. put new brakes on my car..save my car from ruin by listening to it. fix any type of computer disaster my mom dreams up.. you name it. i cant imagine it any different.. or how it was before he showed up. how even more nagging and insane my mom would be without him. and even though him and my mom fight like really old people it just makes it all the more classicly them. classicly my family. and to think..my mom wonders where i came from. |