talk for a minute.. i could talk forever. im baaaack. hah. can you see me busting onstage from behind the curtains.. arms open wide waiting to pull in the spotlight??? i thought so. heeeh. its sunday sunday sunday.. actually its monday now.. but the day doesnt change until i sleep.. so to hell with time. things have been a whirlwind.. i have trouble remembering what day of the week it is or date of the month.. i have lists of things i keep meaning to do..and another one of ideas i keep meaning to explore.. but ill get there. by sheer will.. can i pinky swear to write more? i feel like ive been secretly neglecting writing for a fear of having to really define whats been going on.. which is silly. im silly. whats going on? whats going on.... i feel like i havent been to school in a year.. and weekends last for months. my time warp continuim is on overdrive.. but in reality ive been to school.. sort of.. there hasnt been a full normal week though.. but im having a hard time with normal.. heeh. so yea.. lifes been rolling on.. theres good and bad.. at this very moment i feel good.. but yesterday at this time i couldnt sleep after just ending an argument..the homefront is in uproar every other day when ian comes out of the haze and re-realizes we're not together.. ugh. but right now.. when hes drunk playing james bond on nintendo64..and im typing away.. i think.. yea. i can make it through these months sanely. we can be friends...and not enemies.. i can come out with my arms.. like ive told jamie.. the last thing i want is the place i have to come home to at night.. after school that i hate..and work.. and this city.. the last thing i want to come home to is anger and insanity.. everywhere i move becomes insanity... not this damnit. we can make it through a couple months and i can be free of this.. and move out with jamie.. or out to california .. or anything.. because its a new month.. and new time.. and anything is possible.. and ive been wrapped up in feelings and hopes and dreams these days too.. i feel like such a girl... heeh.. i am a girl. ive got my mind and heart set on sunnier places and meaningful hugs ..and first kisses.. i dream out little scenes of us together.. and all the happy endings in between. everything seems so possible now. i like that feeling. i like knowing.. just knowing somewhere inside that this will all work out. that all the silences..and rough moments just make us stronger..and closer..and that its worth every moment. its 5am...and things are getting fuzzy..and thats when its best to curl up next to someone and drift off into the places inbetween.. and for tonight ill just drift off with my thoughts and my pillow.. but i know that its not forever... because march is closer everyday.. |