fucking cold. fuck fuck fuck. its like the day after christmas is the day after you come crashing down from a warm fuzzy trip. yesterday was fun and cheery and full of hugs. and now im back freezing my ass off in the apartment. i got in a fight with my mom right before i left.. and its so fucking cold in here that my fish is dead. good thing i took the cat with me. im just pissed off and cranky with everyone..and i want to swear alot..and pinch people till it bleeds. today was fine.. saw lynette, my absent best friend. she made me a rad hippie dress...went home. fought with moms... told her i was never coming home again.. she told me good. i cried. i never cry. grrrrrrrrrrrr. which is probably why the moms boyfriend slipped me money in the car ride back to boston.. well. he felt bad. or he felt all the alcohol he drank on the way here coarsing through his veins telling him to give me money. i should buy a new fish. oh. and jamie. jamie being the usual 'god forbid i go anywhere self' wouldnt come back to boston with me and hang out. her excuse this time.. "i have to get my hair trimmed tomorrow". i thought that was something you told guys when you didnt want to hang out or something. lets do the math. she has to work tomorrow at 8pm. she couldve come here..so i didnt have to freeze here alone all night.. she couldve left at say hell 1pm tomorrow.. been home by 3.. and even gotten a fucking 5 hour haircut if she wanted before work. fuck her too. shes like.. ill come up another time.. whens good? i was like.. please. you always say that. and you havent been here since my birthday.. that was september babe. and then in november at her birthday she said shed come up on fridays with lynette. ive yet to see either of them here yet. fuck em alll. and while im at it. lets fuck new years too. because im apparently not going anywhere.. since i suddenly have no money. and no one here wants to do anything. god forbid we have a good time. and another thing dear dear jamie. ive asked her to smoke with me a million times. and she never does..and like coming over, theres always an excuse.. but today lynette whips some out. and suddenly theres no saying no.. theres not even an attempt at a resist! yeah my drugs are bad and tainted with bad girl things..thats it.. that fucking insults me for some reason. like.. she has to show lynette shes cool or something but feels free to pass me up. fuck her some more. i cant feel my fucking hands its that cold.. and puppy has his little nose under the blankets.. godddamn. not to mention ians not even here tonight because his psychotic mother is making him babysit.. she misses him .. which translates to she needs a babysitter.. so theres no one to even talk to. or cuddle.. or anything. *sigh* i was going to clean tonight.. and put all the new junk i brought here from home away.. but im so cold i think i might just curl up under every blanket i can find instead. at least im inside right. ill just tell myself that.. right after i finish swearing about it. |