art.pain.free. sometimes a nap is just what you need.. its so windy outside today.. its amazing in the way that the ocean is amazing.. in that bigger than life way.. in that consuming way.. where i want to become the wind.. or the ocean..and just get lost in their power.. i had to show my 'final' version of my project today.. which wasnt perfect.. but was done enough to be impressive in a sense. but i think i love this one enough to keep working on it.. and i learned that sometimes if you just tell the truth about what you did its alot easier than i thought. its hard for me to tell people why i do things. at least in a class situation.. being that theyre all just faces too.. that they arent friends.. or people whos names i remember.. but theyve shared their inner workings with me.. so. so i tell them.. well it started because i had a fascination with bruises.. and peoples ability to bruise when hurt.. and the fragility of people... and no one questioned it.. or looked funny.. or thought twice because there were a bunch of polaroid pictures of bruised body parts scattered under a pile of ashes on the ground.. and it was nice.. it was nice to say what i really thought..and not some bullshit acceptable art story.. i talked with a kid in my studio about that today.. about bullshit art stories..and bullshit art.. and the abstract movement thats more like a drilling into peoples minds than an exploration. its hard to explain.. and half of it is because i dont work like that.. my visions are abstract.. but theres always a piece of them grounded in reality.. because its the real quality.. the part that relates me to you to my pile of papers that interests me.. not how red next to a line of white does. and you see people alot who try to convince you that a single line has feeling..and i truely believe some people feel it when they put that mark down.. but theres so many. so many people who just seem to mass produce these works.. that mean nothing to me.. that seemingly mean nothing to them.. or wouldnt unless theyre put under the lamp and made to talk about it.. and they try and convince people its there.. and they believe it.. because all good bullshit is believeable. but who am i to tell anyone i think its a load fo crap.. especially since my flighty mind is in the minority.. so i was talking to this kid.. and he started telling me alot of things about his life..and his art.. and how hes recently come into a medical problem thats forcing him not to do things.. hes supposed to lie down for 4 weeks straight.. thats such a long time.. and i felt for him so much.. becuase i know what its like to go to doctors over and over as you feel like youre dying..and have them tell you the same things.. which are really alot of nothings. i wanted to hug this kid so bad.. and tell him that it does change. that he will get better.. that life is a spiral..and its always changing.. it might get worse but it will get better.. because thats how it works.. and thats something you dont have to question.. but hind-sight is 20/20.. and when i was in that position..and i was the one crying in pain at night.. i didnt see it either. but it reminded me today.. that things arent as bad as i think..and dont let the little things get to you.. because theyre not worth your energy..save it for your body..when it needs it.. or to share with someone when you find them.. dont waste it on being angry.. or being afraid.. dont waste it on them.. cause they arent worth it to begin with. |